From Europe with euro's...

Ok, so I had this plan to document each day of my trek through three of Europe's most fascinating hotspots – Paris, Brussels, and Amsterdam - so each of you could relive every powerful emotion, mysterious sensation, butchered conversation, and pounding hangover... but after about Day 3, I realized that no daily diary could do justice to the monumental occurrences that peppered every day of my stay... seriously, it'd be like spending an entire night with three beautiful European strippers and then trying to sum it up in a couple sentences of 12 pt font... wait a minute.....

So yea, anyway.... while the details and devils of the trip will forever remain with my accomplice and me... here are a few thoughts from the Journey...

- You gotta love a place that has Benzo's and Beamers for taxis... When I left the U.S. (from some unsavory locale in the Midwest), a piece-of-crap 1984, orange, Dodge Caravan from 'Roy's Cab' ushered me to the airport... Upon my arrival in Paris, a 2006 platinum silver Mercedes C-class picked me up from the 'taxi stand'.... need I say more?

- Guys don’t ‘pimp’ in France. This town has whipped them into the surly belief that its walls are for Lovers, not Hunters... I don’t know if it’s the overpowering image of the Eiffel Tower in the rearview, the sentiment of Romance that echoes along the Champs Elysses… or something in those damn baguettes… but dudes don’t holla at chicks in Paris… they are either coupled up or content in their ‘friendly’ circles... this time, I embraced the culture, and kept my distance… next time, I'm coming prepared with 5-7 French phrases that I will wield at innocent female passersby... Next time, I'm starting a Revolution baby...

- Laughter sounds the same in every language.

- History and tradition. Architecture and design. Gourmet and Fillet Mignon. Style and Attitude. This continent has an air about it that's part badass, part cocky, part cool-as-hell. And 100% sexy. I like the packed streets, the overcast skies, and the long coats that hide the slimfit Prada mini-skirts... all this topped with cherries of Diversity and Culture that are unmatched... We should all move to Europe for a year... then Africa for two... the Middle east.... Asia...

- Late night dinners. Excessive drinking. Mediocre exercise programs. No steroid controversy. And a McDonalds on every corner… Yet Europeans are STILL so much thinner than Americans. How?? There's only one answer... Legalized Prostitution... It's that simple, really.

- "Window-shopping" for women in the Red Light District is like getting permission from mom to have intercourse with your 3^rdgrade teacher… it’s not only awkward, strange, ridiculous and scary… it’s a bit anticlimactic.. There's no drama... no chase... no accidental groping... And the beam of the neon Red lights are to erections and arousals as Nyquil is to that late-night cough... TOTAL-freakin-suppressant... Trust me on this one... This Red Light District stuff costs about $50, but it's more "gratis" than the middle square on a Bingo Card... and we don’t want that... There’s a reason we seek the forbidden fruit... Because it’s forbidden... Otherwise, we would just settle for the crusty Apples back home in Kentucky.

- I flew 10, 000 miles. Across the Atlantic. Another continent. A different world... And still... out of all the French, German, Dutch, Moroccan, Persian women out there... I STILL attract the Indian girls... now, I'm not complaining... it's just that, you would think a change in environment would spawn a change in female interaction... I mean, isn’t that one of Darwin's laws or something?? In any case, the rendezvous with the aforementioned girls was predictable... mildly exciting at first, aggravatingly optimistic second, and then undeniably unfulfilling in the end... though we still have her number.... hmmm...

- The art of communication doesn’t start with language... and the most important things, they don’t need to be translated. There’s an emotional, cerebral, spiritual wavelength that we all can speak... though it's only forced out at times when we don’t have the right words... or the trusty English to "insert-language-here" Dictionary....

- Forget Beijing in '08... Budapest baby... Budapest.